My Journey Through Grief Continues

…and will really never end. Losing a child is not something a parent ever gets over. There is no magic moment when we say, "Hey, I'm done grieving!"  In fact, the same holds true in the loss of a parent or sibling or spouse. But I'm speaking about the loss of a child; specifically my loss of Amy.

Sorrow has become my constant companion and can take many forms. It can feel like a thousand pound weight on my chest that literally takes my breath away, at other times it’s been a shadow of darkness inhibiting daily life, or sometimes it's a hitch in my heart each time I remember her.  But it's there. Every day. Especially on birthdays and holidays.

Whatever shape grief is taking in your life, I understand it isn't pretty. I understand your need to withdraw. To run. To hide. Even if it’s all on the inside, because we must look normal on the outside. No one mentions our loss. No one says our daughters name. No one asks how we are doing. It’s been three years, after all. Surely we’ve gotten over that and moved on. Nope. Not gonna happen. Not in this life anyway.

So the reason I am writing this today is because I want you to know I’m thinking about you. I know how bad it hurts. And I’m hurting with you and for you. I’m acknowledging  the pain always present in your heart and mine. The next two days are going to be tough but we can make it. Because I know one thing to be true. We are parents who fought the fight for and with our child. We don’t give up when the going gets tough. We fight! With every breath in our grief stricken bodies, we fight. And we win. Every day that we get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and keep going, we win. We are warriors!

Here’s a few quotes I found on Griefnet.org that I really like. –

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone." — Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

The best tribute you can make to a loved one is the life you live after the death.— unknown  
                       

Have courage for the great sorrows in life, and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.— Victor Hugo

My words probably aren’t eloquent as these others but they are just as heartfelt. I sincerely wish each one of you grieving parents (or spouse, sibling, child) a Blessed Christmas!

May the hope we have in Christ be alive in your hearts today and give you peace.

Rivendell Resources grants anyone the right to reprint this information without request for compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as this paragraph is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion. For further information contact: GriefNet

Grace happens.

3rd Anniversary...

Today, May 13th, marks the third anniversary of my oldest daughter, my firstborn, being ushered into her eternal home. I wrote this poem during the Writing Through the Heartache grief workshop by author Alice Wisler, a grieving mom herself. Writing has been instrumental in the grief process and I haven't shared much of it, but today I wanted to share this poem. Amy had delicate hands and she loved to have them held. And I loved to hold them. I miss that. 
I miss her.

hands

tiny and weak

your newborn hands,

cradled protectively

within my own,

sweet kisses from my lips

cover them in prayer.

slender and cool

your delicate hands,

entwined  gently

within my own,

hot tears and desperate kisses

blanket them in prayer.

warm and strong

your beautiful hands,

reaching out

enfolded safely,

for all eternity

held by Another.

creased and worn,

my cold hands

rest empty,

wet with tears

and

silent prayers.

Written by Anne Payne
April 24^th 2013

The following are Scriptures that show how much the Lord loves us and comforts us in our grief.

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Isaiah 41:10  “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 18:28  “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Isaiah 43:2  “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

Truly, without the love and compassion of the Lord and his constant heart, my humanness would fail to uphold me during these last three years.

Praying that each of you who are walking this road of grief feel His presence today and everyday.

~Have a blessed day in the Lord~


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